The following is the time frame of my emotional state regarding draft (yes, I'm still working through that disappointment thing)
D Day (Thursday): Sadness. Just, lots of sadness. On skates. Getting kicked in the head while scrimmaging after having been told I'm not eligible for draft. Finding myself defenseless against sternum checks again, and again, and again.
Day 1 (Friday): Sadness. Off skates.
Day 2 (Saturday): Excitement for practice (YAY) followed by sadness mixed with indifference.
Day 3 (Sunday): Scrimmage against Grays Harbor. We won, 174 - 108. Indifference reigned supreme. I found that I didn't really care that we had won. I didn't feel like I contributed much. I turned the music in my car on the way home way up loud to drown out my thoughts and exist within the beat instead.
Day 4 (Today): I started out with indifference. I thought I'd maybe take a week off skates or do something to get away from all of this. My teammates are still jazzed for draft and I'm kind of sick of hearing about it. They, of course, have every right to be jazzed. I would be too. Then a little anger crept in. By the time I made it to my Monday conditioning class I felt like working, and by the time it was over I didn't want to stop. So I stayed for speed skating and made it an even 2.5 hour skate day.
Ultimately, when I get frustrated I almost always come back to the thing that's frustrating me. I can't leave it alone and I don't want to until it's right. I've spent the entire month worrying about skating a little less so I can look good at team practices but it doesn't matter anymore. Mostly that just makes me want to work so hard I can barely move.
<originally posted on 1.30.12>
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