You're The Only One

What is drive?  Where does inspiration come from?  Why pick up your feet time and again to rush forward and meet with the pain exertion causes?  There comes a time when the realization sets in that you could try a little less hard, give yourself a bit of a break and no one would know.  The true measure of your own effort lies within.  No one but you can say that today you're pushing at 95% instead of 100%.  In that moment of discovery you find you have the choice to win or lose.  Drive means that you feel a sense of urgency in every minute with every step. 
These are the things that have been weighing pretty heavily on my mind lately.  The injury to my knee means that my 100% lies in a remarkably different place than it used to.  Giving it my all means stepping down the intensity and giving it a chance to heal.  It's scary because it's so easy to get comfortable at a 70% intensity but you'll never improve as a player (assuming you're healthy) when you're there. 
Practice yesterday consisted entirely of things in which I could not participate.  I still learned a lot.  My perspective on the game of derby has changed and continues to change the more I watch and play.  It's starting to get familiar.  However, when I can participate I find myself panting.  I worry that my conditioning is going.  I worry that I'll lose that sense of where 100% really is.
So in spite of a self-imposed ban on skating outside of derby practices I went back to speed skating last night.  BEST. PRACTICE. EVER.  Skating fast does not hurt my knee.  I can push as hard as I want.  I held the first position in the pace line for a full minute before getting passed by the inline skaters.  I don't mean the old/new inline skaters either.  I mean all of them.  I was pleased to discover that my one lap time has improved, in spite of the fact that my starts are hilarously gimpy. 
Also, when I say it was the best practice ever, what I mean is that there were times I thought I was going to throw up.  It's nice to be able to work like that again.
<posted on 4.16.12>